Too Graphic for Some Viewers

Thank God for CNN. You see, I'm a very busy person. But I'm also interested in what's happening in the world around me. But I just don't always have time to read up on all of the news, or actually listen to thoughtful discussions on the issues. So it's refreshing that this 24 hour cable news channel works so hard to make my life easier.

The choice I make in this year's election is perhaps the most important vote I will ever cast in my lifetime. At least that's what everyone on TV keeps telling me. So I did make a concerted effort to set some time aside to watch the first two debates. One between John McCain and Barack Obama, and one between Sarah Palin and Joe Biden. But as I said, I'm a busy guy. I got a lot going on. And the moderators were asking lots of, uhhh, questions and stuff. There was a lot of, errr, talking. So thank God for CNN. They made it all so much easier for me.

You see, by watching CNN, I didn't even have to think. All I had to do was watch what everyone else was thinking. I mean, yeah, I kinda heard what the candidates were talking about (while I was ordering take-out, and checking email) and I know one guy wants to "End the War responsibly" and the other guys wants to "Win the War in Iraq -- or on terror"...which is it again? Anyway, there's that War stuff, and apparently the Economy which has been sucking eggs for pretty much all of this year, just got way worse and has now swallowed the whole chicken. I think that makes this economy a real cocksucker (which in this economical metaphor is very bad, in case you were wondering). And both candidates think we need to "stop the greed" and "fix Wall Street," and stuff. And both plan to cut taxes, or raise them, well okay maybe both. And they want to reign in that spending...except neither party can state what they would stop spending on (except for that nice Biden, fellow, who said that one place to start would be by stopping the War in Iraq...but not on terror, I think).

So what to make of all this? Well, with CNN on my 32 inch Sharp Aquos Flat Screen in HD, I don't have to navigate who said what, or who was actually stating facts. See they have a score card right there on either side of the screen. And really smart and objective people who are probably much smarter than me score the debate for me...as its happening. And just in case I don't trust those elite media types with their fancy degrees and expensive suits, a whole bunch of common folk, like me, who can barely articulate why they consider themselves an Undecided voter, are also twisting a little dial to indicate whether they like what someone is saying or not. And right there on the bottom of the screen, little colorful lines swing up or down during the debate. Up means Good. Down means Bad. It's like they are playing "Hot or Not" during the debate. So if it's too hard to add up all the little score cards on either side of the screen, I can just look at the bottom of the screen to see what the common folk are thinking. Folks just like me. Oh, Sarah is talking, and the lines are going up...something about energy. Up is Good. Sarah is Good.



I don't have to think at all. I don't even have to listen, really. I can just stare glassy eyed at the screen and watch numbers tick away in the pretty blue and red boxes, and follow the colorful lines swooping up and down at the bottom of the screen. The Green line means...umm...well I don't know what the green line means, but the yellow line means...ahem...I'm not sure about that one either, but they both kinda moved in the same direction the whole time anyway.

And even better, after all is said and done, I can just add up the scores and find out who won. But if that's too much work, CNN will tell me who won. All ten of those objective journalists will tell me who won. So I don't have to worry my pretty little head. It's kinda funny, though, but obviously those journalists are really busy too, because it seems they are barely paying attention to the debate themselves. They're all checking their emails and blackberries too -- right on TV. Maybe all those smart media elite types just watch the squiggly lines running across the bottom of the screen like I do. See, they are very busy people. They don't have time to think either.

The Better Left Unsaid "Stream-of-Consciousness" Index
CNN...Debates...Chicken...Sharp Aquos...Hot or Not...Media Elite